The Herald

Finding Remus

Yearbook Staff

Yearbook Staff

Jenna Thompson, Staff Writer

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It’s the question on every LCS student’s lips, “Where in the world is Mr. Remus?” Despite the urban legend, he’s not just a mythical creature that only appears when you turn off all the lights, stand in front of a mirror and say, “network connectivity problems” five-times fast. He’s not just the Santa Claus of your search history either; I mean, he definitely is, but he’s a sentient human being on top of that. That doesn’t discredit the fact that just like Santa, the Easter Bunny, and all the heat in this school, he’s almost impossible to find. This lead me to wonder where he goes all the time that makes it so hard for him to be located. It all felt a little to secret-y for me, and I love secrets. When I set out to discover the truth, I knew there was only one way to find out where he disappears to all the time: secretly attaching a tracking device to the back of his loafers when he wasn’t looking. It wasn’t an easy task, but I knew that the students deserved to know. 

The information I gathered after a full twenty-four hours of collecting data was astounding. In one full day, Mr. Remus moved thirty-six times in the school building. He’s most busy in the morning. Fifteen of those thirty-six times happened before 10:00 AM. His office was the most common spot for him to be, but of all thirty-six movements I tracked, he only returned to his own office eight of those times! One would think that he would be in his office a majority of the time, but Mr. Remus’ job is practically mobile. He went a total sixteen different places in the school building in one day. The different places he went spanned all the way across the school, from the preschool rooms to the high school office to the new science wing. In short, Mr. Remus is a busy man who moves around more than just a bit. 

My results also determined that Mr. Remus is a very helpful man. His tasks for the day were very diverse. He helped set up chapel, fixed Mr. Currie’s laptop issues, checked the AC unit, and even met with administrators, to name just a few. It surprised me after reviewing the data how many teachers he helped; I always imagined him waiting around in his office for certain students to make a slip on their computers and catch them in the act, but he assisted high school and elementary staff members alike. Even when he was in his office, he was always doing something. When Mr. Remus goes home, he still has staff members contact him about troubleshooting their devices, but he is happy to help. On this particular day Mr. Remus was working at home until 10:00 PM. Thankfully, he took a break from work between 5:30—8:00 PM!

Is there a conspiracy? I can’t say no, but I can’t say yes, either. I do have a theory. Perhaps the reason no one can ever find Mr. Remus is because he is the solution to every little technological issue that happens in the school. Perhaps Mr. Remus is the forgotten hero of both the high school and elementary and deserves much more credit than he gets for working tirelessly every day to provide us with the little things like Wi-Fi. My other theory involves aliens, but I won’t get into that right now. 

 

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Finding Remus